I know it’s hard for us to not worry about the big ol’ F word but I’m here to tell you one thing: don’t worry about it. Too often we get caught up in an existential crisis where we have no idea what the fuck we’re doing, why we’re doing what we’re doing, when will things get better, how can we make things better and well, the big ol’ F word.
When I say F word, I don’t mean fuck. I mean the other F word: future. Kid, you have a long life ahead of you so you really shouldn’t be sitting there sweating the future. Like you, I’ve been under the pump before where you think you need to have it all figured out then you go ahead and figure it out and when it doesn’t work, you count your breathing seconds, worry about the grey hairs sprouting and freak out because of the other swear word that starts with T: time.
You have all the time in the world to work out what it is you want to do or work out how to get to where you want to be. It all comes down to working out what makes you happy and building the bridge that’s gonna take you there. Bearing in mind, you’re also gonna have to cross that god damn bridge.
When I was in my last year of high school, I remember saying to myself “listen, you’re going to go to Victoria University. You’re going to do a double degree in Law and Arts majoring in Art History and Classical Studies. As part of NCEA, you’re going to sit four scholarship exams and you’re going to ace them all. You’re going to graduate top of your class and you’re going to work for a law firm and rake in that dough.” Fast forward to a year later and I’m thinking “fuck law. I could do this but spending five years of my life doing something I’m not enjoying and having a big ass student loan and not wanting to be lawyer. Is it worth it? Fuck, what do I do with myself?” Well, I left uni and moved back home to live with my parents and worked at a supermarket while I figured out what I wanted to do with myself. I went back to uni the following year and did a BA majoring in Art History and Classics. I loved it but unfortunately, I had met a boy back home and I loved him more. So I moved back to be with him and put my degree on hold.
A year after that, I studied Journalism because I knew I loved writing and research. I’m happy to report that I graduated and won an award for best feature for an article I wrote. Six years from graduating and I’m not a journalist.
I am however working in communications. I’ve also started this blog so I’m spending my days continuing to write and share my thoughts with the world. Some days, I still want to be a journalist. Other days, I want to finish my BA and maybe be an archaeologist or a curator. Hell, I have days where I want to open a dating agency and hook people up (a la Undateables and Millionaire Matchmaker)! All of my days though, I just want to be a happy, free spirit who writes about anything and everything.
What I’m trying to say is, I’m still trying to work it out. I’m about to turn 27 and most of the people I know are married, getting married, popping out babies, about to pop out baby(ies), working in a stellar corporate job or just, you know, getting high and chilling. You’re worried because some people have their shit together and you don’t. Let me tell you, those people are either good actors or have been where you’re at and have worked it out but fight the battle at least once or twice a year. It’s okay to not know what you want to do in the future. All you need to work out is what you want to do now and what you’re going to do to get there.
You’ve got a long road ahead of you kid. Don’t worry about it and just live.